Mediator

Before my most recent work shift ended I arranged a meeting for this morning with two of my associates who weren't getting along very well. This was a chance to put on my "Future Psychologist" hat and I've been looking forward to today's meeting all week.

My direct report called me when he arrived at work to let me know all the participants were present. After dropping Oriah off on campus I headed to the store. We all met in a storage room because there were a total of five of us meeting and all the other offices were taken.

I thought it was important to lay out some ground rules. The overall atmosphere I wanted present was maintaining respect for the individual throughout the meeting and conversation:

1. Respect the presence of everyone in the meeting - talk directly to the individual you need to address rather than talking about them as if they weren't present

2. Deal with the issue and not the person

3. Take ownership of your feelings (for example: When "x" happened I felt "y") and do not place blame on others

4. Be as specific as possible with examples so counterproductive patterns or behaviors can be identified

I think that's all I wanted to get out before I let the associates air their grievances. They began engaging and from time to time I reminded them to talk directly to one another or otherwise guided the conversation when I felt the conversation was straying from the issue at hand. When the conversation hit a lull I stepped in to ensure that all the participants felt that they had been heard and their concerns understood which then generated more discussion.

As I listened to the conversation unfold I definitely picked up on patterns which led to some ideas to help facilitate better communication amongst themselves within their work environment. When I sensed they were done with what they wanted to talk about I asked if I could share some observations. I gave each party two suggestions to implement into their work practices and interpersonal communication skill set.

By this point I felt the only thing left to do was to ensure, once more, that everyone had felt heard and that all their issues had been brought to the surface for discussion because - in my mind - this was going to be a one-time event. I wanted the issue resolved so that after today's meeting everyone could move forward and work together. They assured me they were good-to-go. At which point I:

1. Summarized all that had been discussed and the next steps each person had been given to improve the situation

2. Told them that I didn't want them to feel like I was treating them like a 3-year-old child but for the sake of clear communication I asked them to repeat back to me what they understood my suggestions to be

3. Felt it was my responsibility, as their supervisor, to document the conversation, the participants involved and the action plan for each individual, and would refer to this conversation should issues arise in the future in terms of any necessary accountability

All in all, this felt like my most complete and most effective mediation/intervention/ counseling session - what have you - that I've ever held. At times I felt guided, or prompted, with ideas or what to say. I really felt that my efforts this morning had made a difference - even if it was only for the 45 minutes we were meeting - in ironing out misunderstandings and brainstorming ideas on what would improve the situation, individual behaviors and relationships. Time will tell if what happened this morning will have any sticking power but it was a really, really good experience.